Lovino Vargas's Phone Calls
by Mitsuki Horenake
Summary: Based off of dogsrule's "Ciao...Guess I'll write these damn letters now".  It's in fanfiction format ;D
1. Guess What I Did, Fratello!

**And now I present to you a written version of a letter fanfic called "Ciao…Guess I'll write these damn letters now" by dogsrule. It got so interesting that I just had to do it. I do not own anything in here, not even the plot **_**(for once O_O).**_

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><p>The phone ringing was the first thing that he had to hear first thing in the morning.<p>

Lovino mumbled openly to himself as he looked at the name that was on his caller ID. He cursed openly again as he picked it up with a sigh, trying to clear his throat from the morning before answering the phone.

"Ciao."

"_**Ve~~~good morning, fratello!"**_

"Che…what is it…?"

"_**Remember when I said that I was doing a phone chain and started telling people my phone number to call people with?"**_

"Yeah…it was annoying. Your phone bill must've been near the billions at this point."

"_**Ve~~~why don't you do this too?"**_

"Because I hate talking to anyone else that is just as annoying as you and tomato bastard."

"_**Well, you should try it out anyway!"**_

"Why should I?"

"_**Because I gave out your number to a bunch of people already!"**_

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"**WHAT."**

"_**Ve~~~now we can both do this together!"**_

"**WHY."**

"_**You should try it, fratello! Please? For me?"**_

"…che. Fine. Whatever."

"_**Yaaaay~! Thank you!"**_

Feliciano was going to start saying something else when he quickly hung up the phone. He didn't want to talk to his idiot of a brother anymore. He stood up and walked out of the room, quickly getting changed into his uniform and heading out the door just to live like he always did. Which means that in three…two…one…

_***Ring Ring***_

"What?"

"_**Ah~Lovino! Mi precioso Lovino~!"**_

"Tomato bastard…"

"_**How are you, mi querido? We haven't seen each other since the last World Conference, so I hope that life has been well!"**_

"You've called me once every _**fucking**_ hour, so you should know DAMN well that I'm just dandy!"

"_**You exaggerate, my dear Lovi! I call every **__**two**__** hours."**_

"_**YOU STILL FREAKING CALL TOO DAMN OFTEN!"**_ Lovino started spazzing. "What the hell is your problem?"

"_**Ah, so cold, mi amor~! Why is it that the Boss can't call you and express his love for you?"**_

"You have a damn economy, don't you? Stop wasting your freaking money on me!"

"_**My economy can suffer a little, if only in the chance that I can talk to you mi amor! Con much paz, amor y abrazos!"**_

"How many times do I have to tell you to speak in either Italian or English? Your language annoys me!"

"_**Ah, sorry Lovi!"**_

"It's Lovino!"

"_**Lovino, right…well, Spanish just comes so natural to me! You understand it, so it's all good!"**_

"Who said that I paid attention to your damn lessons…"

"_**If it will please Lovi…con tanto amore, pace e abbracci, España! Does that make you happy?"**_

"…maybe…" He froze. **"****SHUT THE HELL UP**** ALREADY!"**

"_**Ahahahaha! But how can I ask you out for dinner if I shut up?"**_

"…eh?"

"_**It's been so long since we've been together, so we should go out for dinner…unless you want me to make something."**_

"…" For some reason, Lovino's chest tightened. "I could care less."

"_**Well, what do you prefer? One of us, being fabulous cooks, making dinner and cleaning up…or someone paying for dinner and NOT cleaning up?"**_ He could practically hear Spain smiling on the other line.

"…fine, we're eating out. I'm paying." Lovino sighed.

"_**Yaaay! Boss is happy! Gracias for paying!"**_

"Sure. Whatever."

And then that's when it hit him.

"Wait, where the hell are you?"

"_**Look up!"**_

He blinked in confusion before noticing that the bastard Spaniard hung up the phone. He looked up and _what did he see?_ There he was, wearing his traditional khaki uniform, waving his arms like a nutjob for him to see.

…

"_**WHAT THE HELL!**__**"**_

"Ahaha! You look funny, Lovi!"

"It's **LOVINO!** And what the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm here to ask you out for dinner, of course!"

"That's _**after**_ you came here out of nowhere! Why the hell are you here in the first place _**before**_ you asked me out?"

"Ah, Lovi…porque yo quería verte!"

"_**SPEAK ITALIAN, DAMMIT!**_ I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!"

"Lovi, Lovi…speaking just Italian isn't good for foreign relations…or amor in the bedroom~"

"…good in…"

…

…

"GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE **FREAKING** GUTTER, YOU BASTARD!"

"Ahahaha…you're so cute, Lovi!"

"_**IT'S **__**LOVINO!**__**"**_

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><p><strong>Sorry if I butchered this in forever, dogsrule…<strong>


	2. Dinner Gone Wrong

**Heeeey, I can keep going ;D**

**And I still have no idea how to manage so many people! And since I haven't gotten that much of details from them and they're a huge part of this story, I'll have to guess their appearances…**

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><p>He had no idea how he got suckered into this. As he was being annoyed to death by Antonio, people were now abusing the "call cycle" that fratello started. In that heap of stress he lashed out at the first poor victim: Elizabeth "Liz" Jones, the State of Illinois. She took it pretty well, surprisingly.<p>

"_**Geez! If you didn't want to write letters to people, why did you start a call cycle?"**_

"…because my dumbass little brother 'decided' that it'll be fun for both of us to do this…"

"_**He's a handful, isn't he?"**_

"Of course he is. He owes me big time for this."

The next one was a friend of his: Luisa Rodriguez, the country of Nicaragua, calling him "Romanito". She greeted him as "the one that did all his chores" and they reminisced about the old days. He was having a good time until two things happened. 1) Apparently Honduras was stalking her, and 2) Antonio started laughing, making him punch the Spaniard in the face and watching him bleed. He had no regrets. Before they hung up she asked him if she could hide out in Italy until he went away, to which he reluctantly agreed.

The third caller was some person named Lea Bouchard, the city of Quebec. He rubbed his forehead for a few minutes.

"…where the hell are you located?"

"_**I'm in Canada!"**_

"…who?"

"_**I'm one of Canada's providences! CA-NA-DA!"**_

"…oh. The guy who's really hard to see because of burger bastard?"

"_**Yep, that's him! Hey, I have a question about you and Spain!"**_

"What about us?"

"_**Are you two together?"**_

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"**HELL NO!** WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

He hung up right afterwards, not bothering to say good-bye. He looked up and saw Antonio staring at him in keen interest, and as a result he punched him in the face again. Just as he was about to try venting out his anger, his phone rang out again. His fingers started to twitch.

"_**WHAT?**__**"**_

"_**Gah!"**_

He paused for a few minutes, hearing some murmuring on the other line. That's when he realized that he wasn't talking to Lea, and apparently he traumatized her to no end. There were more unheard words before the other end picked up.

"_I…I thought you were nicer to women…"_

"I-I am…I just thought you were someone that called me earlier…annoying son of a bitch."

"_O-oh…I see…L-Lovino…I-I can call you that, r-right?"_

"I don't care whatever you call me."

"_Oh…t-that's good…I-I was j-just wondering…s-since t-that's the o-only name th-that I know that you…um…you go under…and I didn't know what other name y-you g-g-g-go under…I-I'm sorry, I'm stammering like kucing, aren't I?"_

"…kucing?"

"_O-oh! I-I'm sorry…I-I use that nickname for your brother, F-Feliciano…it means kitten…because he acts like one…"_

"Fratello? Seriously? Geez…he's annoying."

"_W-why?"_

"Because he's always trying to make me be friends with that German bastard. It's never going to happen."

"_Oh…"_

"Um…by the way, who are you?"

"_O-oh! Right, I-I-I h-h-haven't g-given you my name…I-I'm Karina…Indonesia."_

"Nice to meet you."

There was another awkward silence for a few minutes as Lovino heard more mumbling from the other side of the phone. He didn't want to be rude to this person _(she obviously didn't have any social skills)_ so he stayed on the line before he heard a small sigh and cough.

"_I-I'm sorry…I-I'm not used to talking to people like this…"_

"That's fine. I can't handle people either."

"_B-but a-at least you d-don't have a people phobia…"_

Oh. OH.

"_Um…d-don't be mad…b-b-but w-why do you yell at Antonio all the time like a slave? S-shouldn't you give him more respect?"_

"I try to. But he's so _**damn annoying."**_

"_P-please try to be nice to him? I-I'll make you dessert…"_

"…fine…I guess. You owe me a lot of dessert for this."

"_D-do you mind that they might be a little bit on the spicy side?"_

"Just please no potatoes."

"_O-oh, OK. I-I'll start making them now. Where are you?"_

"Back in my country."

"_I-I'll deliver them to you once I'm done, then."_

"All right, fine. Bye."

"…_bye."_

He let her hang up the phone first, before turning around and hearing Antonio laugh at what he thought the conversation was about. He was about to punch him again before realizing that he promised Karina to at least _**attempt**_ to be nice to him. So he just huffed and walked away, allowing Antonio to chirp and follow him with a hop that made him seem ten.

It was around that time that someone else called him. He didn't get much attention from this person, other than the fact that it was Antarctica and he was asking why Lovino was so pissy. He screamed after him and hung up the phone. Hopefully, he wouldn't call back. After a few minutes, he turned his head around.

"Don't tell me you were following me the entire time."

"Of course I was, Lovi-chan!"

"…" _***suppressing inner rage***_ "Did you at least decide on which restaurant we're going to?"

"Nope~!"

"…we're you thinking about _**anything**_ at all?"

"Well, I just realized that I might have to go to the bathroom~!"

_***trying so hard not to kill him now***_

"…there should be a bathroom in that café over there."

"Ahahaha! But I don't want to eat dinner in a café!"

"Just ask for a damn bathroom in there."

"Oh…oka~y!" He chirped, skipping to the café before turning around. "You won't join me?"

"_**FUCK NO!"**_

"Oka~y, Lovi-chan!"

"It's _**LOVINO!**__**"**_

He laughed at the blush on his face before skipping away, making Lovino's fingers twitch. After a few minutes, he shook his head and decided to wait in the alley for the bastard _(there were way too many people around for a while)_. As he sighed and waited for the Spaniard, he was aware that there was someone next to him. He looked up and realized that it was none other than brow bastard…in all his English brow bastarding glory.

"You."

"You." Arthur folded his arms. "I saw how you were talking to Antonio."

"And what about it."

"I hate the guy just as much as you do, but being such a close friend to him, I would've figured that you would treat him with more respect past headbutts and punches."

"Well, it doesn't concern _**you**_, now does it brow bastard? It's none of your damn business, so shut up and go to hell."

"Go to-" He scoffed. "I demand more respect!"

"From what? The rest of us? Jump off a cliff and leave me alone."

"How **dare** you call me 'brow bastard'! At least I call you Romano."

"Well then, fine. Call me whatever the fuck you want to call me."

"I'm only stating this because your damn _**boyfriend**_ keeps complaining to me about you after you leave his damn house!"

"**He. Is. Not. My. Boyfriend.** Fuck. Off. Forever."

"…that's it. You crossed the line this time." Arthur grinned. "Why not? I'm going to have a little fun with you."

"What the hell does that mean?"

It was then that Lovino realized that Arthur had just pulled a book out of his back, opened to a page he couldn't see. There was a low chant in the air before he felt his skin searing off and his lungs contracting in themselves before he couldn't even breathe anymore. His eyes were only seeing spots and lights before seeing a grinning Arthur.

"_Have fun being a little kid again…Romano."_

His eyes closed and his body went limp. He crashed onto the ground.

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><p>"Serves you right, you wop! Let's see how Spain reacts to this!"<p>

His eyes fluttered open and saw a tall blond man with the biggest eyebrows he had ever seen. Before he knew it, he was on his tiny feet scurrying away, his back hitting the other side of the alleyway. His ears comprehended what he just said and he forced himself to stand his ground.

"W-what do you mean…? Don't you _**dare**_ invade me, you bastard! The tomato bastard won't let you!"

"I'm not going to invade you, you arse! I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine!"

"What the hell did I do to you? I don't even know you!"

"Why, you little-"

"_**Get the hell away from me!"**_

And the little boy ran as far as he could from Arthur, not once looking back.

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><p>He had no idea where he was running or where he was going. All he knew was that he had to run as far as he can go, away from him, to Antonio's arms. He hated the bastard, but he wanted nothing more than to be in them right now. It was the only thing that was ever safe in this damn place.<p>

_Where the hell am I? What the hell is this place? Where's that damn tomato bastard? What's going on?_

He straightened himself to take a breather before feeling a cold chill down his back. Lovino shivered before turning his head and seeing a strange man standing in one of the alleyways. He had silver hair and a long jacket despite the heat, and he was waving at him with a smile on his face.

"Good evening, Romano."

"W-who the hell are you?"

"You don't know me, but I know you Romano. Listen, if you don't like living with Spain, why don't you become one with me?"

"Y-you're not working with that brow bastard, are you?"

"No. I work by myself. But I promise to treat you kindly…more so than both Spain and England…kolkolkol…"

"_**Get the hell away! Leave me alone!"**_

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><p>Antonio couldn't help but be worried when he came out of the café and realized that Lovino wasn't around. He asked around, and only a few people stated that someone that sounded like Arthur had been talking to him in one of the alleys. His nerves quickly tensed and he ran through the streets, calling Lovino's name and darting his head back and forth. He then heard something that sounded like Lovino and he smiled.<p>

"Ah, Lovi-chan! You gave me a heart attack vanishing like that!" He skipped over to him. "Anyway, I was in there and I was thinking that we should go to a pasta resta-"

"T-tomato bastard!"

The voice was too young. He looked down and realized that a young boy had just grabbed his legs. He looked way too young to be him, but as green eyes slowly turned up to look to him…

"Dios mio! Why are you a child again?"

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><p><strong>And that's for the next chapter. Hope you like the updates, and by the way, chibi!mano is MINE.<strong>


	3. Running Around as a Child

**Last time on "Lovino Vargas's Phone Calls"…**

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><p>"Dios mio! Why are you a child again?"<p>

"W-what do you mean by that?" The poor boy shivered at his legs. "W-whatever! Help me, please! There's some really scary guy that said that he was going to teach me a lesson! I don't know who he is, but he said that I called him 'brow bastard' all the time!"

_Fucking shit mace, it really was Arthur._ He was wondering on how he was going to sharpen his axe today. "It's going to be OK, Lovi-chan. OK?"

"…uh…O-OK…"

Antonio nodded as he looked around the city, not seeing anything that looked like an English person. He mumbled something underneath his breath before heading out holding onto Lovino for dear life. The poor child had no idea what was going on.

He held Lovino close to his chest as he dashed through the crowds, his heart bleeding with worry. He was extremely vulnerable at this point, as stated by what happened with him in terms of Sadiq's take-over. No…no, he wasn't going to do this again. From the corner of his eye, he could've sworn that he saw a smirking Arthur.

_I'm not…I'm not going to abandon him like this…no…I'm not…_

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><p>"Hrrrm…he's not responding to my messages…"<p>

Lea _(Quebec)_ sighed as she stood up from her couch, sweeping her wavy blond hair away from her shoulder _(there was always that ONE strand that never wanted to stay behind her shoulders)_. Was it because Lovino was screaming at her for some reason? What, she was only telling the truth!

"Wellll…I guess I can just go visit him!" She laughed. "Who needs cell phones when we can have normal conversations~!"

She quickly threw on her blue T-shirt / white long sleeves + skinny jean combo before throwing on her kitty sandals and heading out of the door. Hopefully, Matthew would be able to get her a quick ride to Italy~

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><p>"I-is this your new home, Spain?"<p>

"…this is your home, Romano."

Child Lovino stared at him for a few minutes before crawling onto the nearby couch and looking around him as Antonio went to the kitchen to try making him something. The entire time, he could hear Lovino complain about his condition…just like he always was. _Yeah…he was always like this…_

"Spaaaaaiiinnn…I'm confused."

"What about?" He looked up as he was waiting for the pasta.

"Well, what the heck is going on? There were so many people that said that they met me a long time ago…" Lovino rubbed his head. "But I never met them before!"

"…well, you see…you're actually an adult."

"An adult? Like…a nation just like you?"

"Um…yeah." Antonio chuckled.

"Does that mean I can go kick people's asses and stuff?"

"Yeah. You're a strong nation and an exceptional young man…" He looked up with a smile on his face. "A little rough around the edges, but…that doesn't change much."

Lovino mumbled for a few minutes before looking around the living room and seeing a picture set on the table next to the couch. He crawled toward the picture before seeing what was on it. There were two people on it, one not looking like he was enjoying the time at all. One of them looked exactly like Spain, while the other one was an older clone of himself.

"Spain?"

"Yes?"

"What's this picture over here?" He blinked. "There's a really old guy next to you…and he looks kinda like me…"

Antonio couldn't help but laugh at his naïve state. In some way, he sounded almost exactly like Feliciano. He turned and saw that it was when they were at the festival in America: Antonio had just won Lovino a huge teddy bear and he didn't seem to like it…even though he found the bear later in his room. He laughed.

"He's a…friend of mine." He laughed. "You should be nice to him when you two meet."

"Hah? Why?"

"Because…because I care about him." _With almost everything that I have._

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><p>Much to her surprise, Lea was able to get into Italy almost immediately thanks to Matthew. She looked around the airport and saw another girl gathering her stuff. She had short blond hair and was dressed like an English goth, waiting for a taxi to come around. Lea laughed.<p>

"London!"

"Eh? Lea?" She turned to her and sighed. "We're in a public place. Call me by my other name."

"Oh…Willow, sorry." She laughed. "What are you doing here?"

"The aura around the city moved exponentially. That means that Arthur has been muddling around." She answered. "As always, I have to make sure that the effects are reversed or at least kept to a bare minimum…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

"I don't speak magic, Willow."

"Oh, sorry. Arthur's been casting magic again, and probably cursed someone." She sighed.

"Ohhh…" Lea rubbed her chin. "Well…I was talking to Lovino a few minutes ago…"

"Hm?"

"He stopped taking my texts after a while…rather abruptly, actually." She stated. "I mean, he didn't tell me to fuck off or something, so…"

Willow nodded before looking at her.

"Do you know where I can find this Lovino?"

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><p>Antonio had served pasta to Lovino for lunch <em>(much to his enjoyment)<em> and watched as the young boy consumed the entire thing for no reason. He couldn't help but laugh and smile. He was so greedy like this…and it made him so adorable…nevermind that they were talking about Francis.

"Aren't you friends with France?" He asked.

"Yeah…" He looked confused. "We've been friends for years."

"Really? But you two have been fighting for longer." Lovino tilted his head.

"Yeah, but…I only did that because he wanted to take you from me." Antonio looked away. "I didn't want that. I never want to lose you."

"…_liar."_

"Huh?"

"_You only did it because you wanted grandpa's inheritance…I bet that's why you did it."_

He was stunned.

"_**NO!**_ No, no no…that's not it at all!" He leaned forward. "I fought France for you because I _**cared**_ for you and I couldn't _**stand**_ thinking about what he would do to you!"

"…_sure you did…"_ Lovino turned away. _"I know that you still want Feliciano over me…"_

Antonio had no idea what to say. He held his head in confusion and tried to think _(which was hard)_. Why would Lovino say something like this? Why would he mention that he was only after what his grandfather had? Why? Wasn't it obvious that he thought of Lovino as more than that? Did he not know about how much he loved him? His head was spinning, but he knew that he had to keep his head straight. Lovino needed him now…and then he'll tell him the truth. The whole truth.

It was then that he felt a strange presence go through the room. His nerves tensed. He knew what that meant. His head darted upward to reveal that Lovino had vanished into thin air. Instantly, all the air had been drained from his lungs.

"_L-Lovino…? __**Lovino?"**_ He stood up. _**"LOVINO!"**_

Five seconds later, he dashed straight out the door.

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><p>"You know Willow…you could've just went to his house."<p>

"It was too much time. Besides, this is easier."

Lovino's eyes opened to reveal two girls standing in front of him. One of them looked fairly normal with her blond hair and blue outfit. It was the other one that scared him: the one dressed in all black with the shining gold / black hair. She opened a book in front of her, in a language he couldn't read.

"You're staring at my eyebrows, aren't you?" The woman glared. _**"Don't make fun of it or I will make your curse so much worse. I can make you a lady, you know."**_

"_**CHIGIIIII! **_I-I won't do it! Please don't hurt me!"

"_Willow…! You're scaring him!"_

"_Sorry…I just hate it when someone says anything just because I'm related to Arthur."_ She turned to him and knelt down to her level. "I'm sorry that England cast the curse on you."

"W-what curse?"

"An age regression curse. Though I have to admit that I'm more surprised that it actually worked." She stated. "It's not that complicated…I should be able to reverse the effects on you…"

"W-what are you talking about? Where's Spain? Where am I?"

"Don't worry! Willow's actually really nice." Lea laughed. "She's helping you, relax!"

"_Lea."_

"Yeah?"

"_I'm going to ask that you step back."_

"Oh…right, right!"

She stepped back as Willow started drawing on the ground and looked down in the book with the strangest language that he had ever heard in his life.

"_**Gloriae **__**Dei **__**temporis **__**despiciunt **__**haec pauper **__**perditus **__**filius **__**egestas.**__**Phasellus **__**adipiscing **__**est **__**Rota **__**Temporis **__**rupta **__**manus **__**suas **__**super **__**puerum**__**: redde **__**horologium.**__**"**_

The glowing circle shot around Lovino and he started screaming, feeling the heat shoot through his bones. Lea looked around, worried that attention would be drawn, but Willow stayed firm in her chanting.

"_**Ocius **__**et **__**citius **__**Manus **__**tunc **__**convertens **__**se **__**corriger**__**e**__**...centum **__**anni **__**in **__**oculis vestris. **__**Restitue **__**ei **__**omnia**__**. **__**Da ei **__**quod **__**amiserat **__**memoriam**__**. **__**Da **__**ei **__**qui **__**utitur **__**stamina **__**saepius. **__**Duis **__**in **__**nisi **__**tres, **__**duos, unum…**__**"**_

The light faded, and Lea saw that Lovino had turned back to normal. He quietly stirred and open his eyes, seeing the blond girl jumping in happiness.

"You did it, Willow! You did it, you did it!"

"Well…at least I didn't make him have any side effects…"

"…_ugh…"_ He sat up. "Why the hell does my head hurt?"

…

…

"There's your side effect~" Lea laughed. "My name's Lea Bouchelard Williams, the Providence of Quebec~! The girl over here's Willow Kirkland, the city of London!"

"…nice to meet you." He stared at her. "What the hell happened?"

"You have been cursed by Arthur. As a result, you turned back into a child."

…

…

…

…

…

"_**WHAT?"**_ He growled. "That son of a bitch…I'm getting him later…"

"Can do."

And like immediately after that, Lea turned and skipped out of the alleyway. Willow shook her head as she closed the magic book on her lap, catching Lovino's attention. He leaned forward in confusion.

"I already casted your revenge on Arthur." She grinned. "Let's just say that…Alfred's going to enjoy his _**girlfriend**_ quite a lot…"

"…heh…grazie for that." Lovino grinned back. "Now if you excuse me, I'll have to go find Antonio. He's probably pissed off that I ditched him at the restaurant."

"All right. I'm going to stay around in Italy then." She stood up. "Arthur is still here…and I have to make sure he doesn't curse anyone else."

"All right." He stood up. "I'll see you later…?"

"Willow Kirkland. I thought Lea told you that."

"Right, sorry." Lovino rubbed behind his head. "My name's Lovino Vargas."

"…pfft."

"Hm?"

"Your name is actually kind of cute."

"…_ignoring that."_

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><p><strong>All that I can state is that this chapter took forever because I had no idea what letters to use. I used all of them that were important to this sub-plot in the last chapter…plus I had to guess what Willow looked like. Heck, there's just something awesome about two girls <strong>_**(one goth, one prep)**_** being friends XD**


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